guiltIf I had to name the one emotion I hear about most frequently from family caregivers who assist loved ones living with dementia, its guilt. In fact these caregivers are pained just to have to admit this and share their thoughts with me.

Here’s what’s overwhelming: the unremitting stress that comes with the reality of their situation, their heavy responsibilities and the difficulty they face in juggling care with everything else in their lives, e.g., children, husband, job, and their own personal and mental health needs. Where does guilt come in? When, no matter how exhausted you are, “there are most likely times when you tell yourself that you could do better,” says Dr. Alexis Abramson on her blog, The Dr. Alexis Blog.

I’ve recently come across one of her posts, “10 Tips to Help You Say Goodbye to Caregiver Guilt,” which constructively addresses the guilt dilemma. Here are the tips, but I suggest you go to the actual blog itself for full elaboration, insights and suggestions. By the way, you’ll find other excellent advice on the blog…as well as a link to obtaining Dr. Abramson’s book, The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook.

  1. Acknowledge your feelings.
  2. Think quality, not quantity
  3. Establish priorities
  4. Set limits
  5. Redefine your concept of caring.
  6. Act from love, not from a sense of debt.
  7. Forgive and seek forgiveness.
  8. Foster their independence.
  9. Face the facts.
  10. Don’t succumb to peer pressure.