Caregiver Tips for Special Family Events Throughout the Year

With just a few weeks left to the 2013 holiday season, there may be a few more special occasions for families who have a loved one living with dementia to gather together. We’ve discovered a list of tips from the Alzheimer’s Association to make these occasions successful and happy, but since they are as relevant to any family celebration at any point in the year as they are to traditional year-end events, we felt it would be worthwhile to share with readers.

1. Adjust your expectations of yourself, the caregiver. Only agree to take on what you can reasonably manage, and ask for help. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries often come with traditions and expectations from family members, but try to ask for people to be flexible. Perhaps you can ask someone else to host the holiday gathering this year.
2. Let family and friends know what to expect. If they haven’t seen the person with dementia in a few months or a year, make sure they know.
3. If a family gathering is large, assign a friend or relative (or two) to be a “buddy” to the person with dementia. The buddies can take turns guiding the person with dementia through what is expected at the gathering and making sure the person with dementia’s needs are being met.
4. Involve the person with the diagnosis in tasks that they can succeed in. Maybe he or she can no longer prepare the entire meal, but perhaps the person can rinse the vegetables, set the table or clean silverware and still feel included in the preparation.
5. Try to schedule only one activity or outing a day. Allow the person to rest either before or after the event. If you have an especially busy day, plan for the next day to be one of rest and relaxation for both the person with dementia and you.
6. Take time for yourself. If you have a holiday tradition that is important to you, such as attending a musical performance with your grandchildren, arrange for home care so you can continue to enjoy the things you love.

Visit the Alzheimer Association website for a fuller list of holiday season tips as well as tips for winter and spring enjoyment.

Caregiver Guilt: What to Do If You Feel It

If I had to name the one emotion I hear about most frequently from family caregivers who assist loved ones living with dementia, its guilt. In fact these caregivers are pained just to have to admit this and share their thoughts with me.

Here’s what’s overwhelming: the unremitting stress that comes with the reality of their situation, their heavy responsibilities and the difficulty they face in juggling care with everything else in their lives, e.g., children, husband, job, and their own personal and mental health needs. Where does guilt come in? When, no matter how exhausted you are, “there are most likely times when you tell yourself that you could do better,” says Dr. Alexis Abramson on her blog, The Dr. Alexis Blog.

I’ve recently come across one of her posts, “10 Tips to Help You Say Goodbye to Caregiver Guilt,” which constructively addresses the guilt dilemma. Here are the tips, but I suggest you go to the actual blog itself for full elaboration, insights and suggestions. By the way, you’ll find other excellent advice on the blog…as well as a link to obtaining Dr. Abramson’s book, The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook.

1. Acknowledge your feelings.
2. Think quality, not quantity
3. Establish priorities
4. Set limits
5. Redefine your concept of caring.
6. Act from love, not from a sense of debt.
7. Forgive and seek forgiveness.
8. Foster their independence.
9. Face the facts.
10. Don’t succumb to peer pressure.

Your Second Caregiver Responsibility: Take Care of Yourself!

As director of memory care programs at Charles E. Smith Life Communities, I assist in developing stimulating programming for residents living with memory care issues. Recently, I was chatting with the family member of one of these residents and suddenly refocused the conversation to the gentleman’s own wellbeing by asking, “So what are you doing for yourself today?”

He scratched his head and had difficulty coming up with a quick answer. Why? Well, he had never considered himself in the equation of care. Finally he replied that he was not coming back that evening and in fact had just decided to decrease his visits to mornings only.

We started to discuss his typical day. Every morning and afternoon he attends synagogue services. He then tries to arrive at our residence around 9 a.m. to be with his wife; he stays to have lunch with her and finally leaves around 1 p.m. Back at his home, he attends to personal affairs. That’s it. As far as doing anything for himself that might be fun, interesting, stimulating, or nourishing to body and soul—all in an effort to relieve stress and prevent caregiver burnout, he has nothing on the schedule.

If this describes your life as a caregiver, there’s abundant practical advice out there to help you help yourself. To start the ball rolling, go to the Mayo Clinic website to read “Caregiver stress: Tips for taking care of yourself.” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/caregiver-stress/MY01231.

Spring Fever

Regardless of the time of year, it can be a challenge to come up with meaningful activities to do with a person living with dementia. Now that spring has arrived (and summer is around the corner), it’s a great time to explore the outdoors and take advantage of the warmer weather.

When choosing activities, try to identify things the person you are caring for has historically enjoyed, while focusing on his or her abilities and modifying the activity based on their stage of disease. Here are some random tips:

1. Work in the garden together. Sometimes just repotting plants is easy and fun to do.
2. Grab an ice cream cone as a cooling treat.
3. Toss a ball in the yard or park to get some outdoor exercise.
4. Play with pets or visit a zoo.
5. Take a trip to a botanical garden.
6. String Cheerios to hang outside for birds.
7. Have an afternoon tea party outside.
8. Feed the ducks. 

By the way, just because it’s spring doesn’t mean you have to go outside. Simple Indoor activities can be worthwhile too. Consider these ideas:

1. Do some spring cleaning together.
2. Dance!
3. Make homemade lemonade.
4. Look at family photographs.
5. Make a scrapbook.
6. Work on a puzzle together.

Finally, it may be helpful to have activities ready in different rooms of the home so you always have engaging ways to spend time together right at your fingertips.

If your loved one happens to live in a memory care residence, ask staff about their activity schedule so you can arrange your time to visit when something that interests you is happening.

An Easy-to-Use Guide

The National Institute on Aging has produced an excellent 104-page handbook for at-home caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s disease. Titled Caring for a Person with Alzheimer’s Disease, this publication “offers easy-to-understand information and advice for at-home caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s disease. It addresses all aspects of care, from bathing and eating to visiting the doctor and getting respite care.” Download it at http://1.usa.gov/yMKfqv.

Join the Cohen-Rosen House in this year’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s. More information can be found here.